TONE OF MY ANGER

When most of my colleagues irritated by my ‘stormy’ attitude towards my fellow writers, I rather just let my responsibilty take over my act automatically. Personal emotions? Swear to Allah, I wish I can keep the same ‘tone’ for each of the same mistakes they did but 10 same mistakes with the same ‘tone’? Am not stupid!

Each ‘tone’ shows different warning. The higher the tone, more danger the alert will be & I usually only have 3 ‘tone’. Extra 4 or 5, that’s my stupid ‘forgiving’ side. I screamed, I yelled, I banged & I fired them when they kept doing the same lousy mistakes at work. Sounds pathetic huh? It is! But trust me, I didn’t do it for no cause & not for my personal reasons. It’s about the magazine, the readers’ money & the company policy. But as usual, talks about human again…

'Some tend to popularize the worst side rather than the good side.'

So that’s where I belong to most of my colleagues. I don’t care & I don’t want to know if they care coz I care what I care. As far as I know, I didn’t do it because:

• I had a lot of job to do & I’m tired of it
• I hate the fellow employee
• Jealousy or tend to kill other people’s career
• Trying to show off my power like Hitler or Qin Shi Huang
• I’m having psychological error… or manic depression.

For your information am doing it because of my responsibilty towards:

• Things that I am working on
• The readers
• My directors
• My fellow colleagues that’s related to my deadline’s process.
• The company policies
• My writers long term work period &...
• LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT CANDIDATE FOR MY REPLACEMENT!!!

I'M NOT BUILT WITH RAM

Well... being GEMPAK’s editor for 10 years really makes me a better person, though not far better when compared to a real leader, but at least I can deal with so many types of attitude without problem. Or so I should say… almost with a fire distinguisher ready in my hand.

GEMPAK is a fun magazine to work with. But dealing with quality, accuracy & writers inability to proceed with the most honest write up… that’s daily headache! Trust me, I wish I can just copy my ideology & paste it on them. Just like how I cut & paste items in computer system. When we thought computer brain is complicated, I think human brain is far more complicated… we’ve got to deal with their personal emotions.

Because most human prefer their personal emotions to surpass their logic.

I AM 'PRETTY' LOUD?!

A friend said I'm pretty loud recently & a boss said my words now are so sensitive (I think he meant loud also...). My love think I'm starting to practice 'sharp-shooting' words (I bet that means loud too!).

P/S: The only person who yet not saying anything about my changing behavior is the one I am holding the ring because... someone knows me better than anyone who said they know me better (get my point?!).

First of all, I was (past tense!) the type of son who obeyed my mother's advices. There were advices from her made me a little bit too nice until whatever I do is for the sake of 'helping them, not me!'. But I promised myself, as long as I live I will never try to hurt her feeling. 

But yes I admit, there were moments I just had to disagree with her but not to the extend where she can hear words saying "Your son is a bastard!" just because I kicked their 60 years old grandpa's face for molesting a 6 years old boy (example only! The worse I can give & dream of doing it). 

That was why when my mother was still walking on this world, I had to make sure she got at least 80% from what she wanted from me... her pride. Now it is time to take control of my own PRIDE... (sing Whitney) "On my own..."

Though She is now rest in peace with Allah, as long I am her son (she brought a part of me with her), I will continue making her proud (this time my way!) & praying for her journey there so she will be given a place in heaven. I will continue wishing for others to pray for her too & I know those people who love her, will also pray for her. We will all pray for our mother (yesss!).

Anyway, back to my topic. Yes I agree! I'm 'pretty' loud & it naturally happens since my mother passed away.

When I used to be someone:

1) Always worry about the matter of other people compared to mine

Now: You want my extra efforts? Pay for it dumb ass! Pay doesn't mean using cash only, but for work things... pay cash or check please & with the right amount so I can be happy doing your work. Because I know, you're making profit with it sooner or later. Oh! Now I think of profit? Who doesn't but I'm not greedy because when you offer me RM1 million but I can't smell RM1 million or even half of it yet, I rather take a risk for ignoring it. If you are interested in my work to be publish worldwide but yet not my copyright, I rather let my Malaysian have the copyright first & stay at my own 'home' before you can respect where I stand. TQ!

2) Staying polite non responsive

Now: If you're saying bad things to me, I am gonna politely make sure you live in world's hell till you die! No... I'm not going to be Jigsaw (like in the movie series 'SAW') because I respect others more than I respect you. So does that ring a bell to your conscious mind? (Justin... sing for them please!) "What comes around goes around..."

3) Stay calm even there's a man is poking my ass

Now: You gonna get a bloody slap from me (though I almost want to do it but end up smiling... take my words "Next time you gonna get a bloody punch!"), no matter what age or gender (unless you're my special someone). So don't make such joke on me, because I'm not your bitch!

4) Always thinking about making money

Now: Not really into it! There are so many ways to make money nowadays. Even sitting on the street showing your dick also can gain money (I can say a lot more than your monthly salary! Hell no to me... I rather work at 7-Eleven). So for me, do things that I LOVE DOING GENEROUSLY and will GENEROUSLY GENERATE MONEY.

5) Always forgive & forget

Now: I still forgive but I will not forget. You can ask my bestfriends even they already said sorry (forgiven already so bye!). After this, I'll just pity their fate even if they get crush by a lorry like how they pity my fate. Thing is from now on, I'll remember bad things people had done to me but the people... forgotten! Sounds very daring, right? Trust me, I don't hunger for fake friendship because I don't fake friendship. I know who are my bestfriends & my busy life with creative world will find me new friends. So you want to be daring with me? Wait till you see mine.

6) Play stupid in order not to offend, humiliate or show lots of respect for other people's stupidity

Now: Hell no you can make me feel like a fool, unless I fool myself. From now on be ready to be shouted angrily by me in front of public. If ladies have mood-swing during their menstrual period, I have extra mood swing during my 'men'-strual period! Yeap! I don't mind acting like a fool anymore & hell no I will let you go alive out of the crowd once you trigger my anger. If you're a lady, I am gonna pull your hair (if none, your big tits will do!). If you're a man, make sure your head (up & above) well protected before you get contusion.

7) I'll do it even I don't have to do it

Now: I'll do it if I WANT to do it. See the difference? Don't threaten me by saying "It's your responsibility!". Dude! I know my responsibility & I'll do it if you know how to respect what I'm gonna do. There are so many ways of respecting what I'm gonna do & one of it is not by telling what I know best.

8) Planning for future

Now: I feel stupid whenever I look forward for my future. I don't know why but whenever I start planning for my future, my today will not end up satisfying & I will start feel guilty for going to sleep. So, I'll do what's best for today depend on my energy, psychology & interest. Whatever comes today, I'll let Him see the course for me & I'll decide what's best for me... Insya-Allah.

9) I'll suffer for breaking your heart unintentionally

Now: (pushing the red button) Teeettttt! Playing nice & giving doesn't mean I'm deeply in love. Yeap... I'm always being emotionally misjudge by others in so many different ways when it comes to LOVE AFFAIR. When I'm in love with you but misjudge me for not making commitment, you're just making excuse to dump me. So... bye for now (you won't have the second chance once I meet someone else). If you're ruining yourself just because I broke your heart... (push the red button again) Teeettttt! Forgive me, I've already made the first introduction but you're making demands.

10) Try not to be so gay

Now: I'm so gay (traditional meaning you fool!)!!! Being fat, straight face & bad mood most of the time is not my thang! Allah give me so many choices of being happy or unhappy. So I choose... be happy even if it's unhappy. If u ask me if I'm so gay (modern meaning you jerk!), let me warn you something... don't make me turn you STRAIGHT TO BOTTOM (get what I mean?)! I don't promote my sexual PRACTICE (read carefully... I'm not saying SEXUAL INTEREST ok!) to others & I don't like to make you imagine that's how I have sex. But I can't stop you from making assumption(s). Take my words because (read loudly please!) I REALLY CAN TURN YOU STRAIGHT TO BOTTOM (this makes me a sinner? You too!), so stop wondering I fuck or be fuck by guy (Chopp! Don't euuu me please... coz your hypocrite expression makes me wanna puke!). Just because you haven't... (sing it Mariah!) "Touch my body..." doesn't mean you have the right to be (sing it again Mariah!) "Obsessed..." by my private life just because I don't announce my love interest. Get a life will ya!

CONCLUSION

These are not the attitudes to SUCCESS? No, the before attitudes are not the attitudes what you so call SUCCESS. That's why now I can see clearly what is SUCCESS does mean, when I'm the money & louder (not in rude ways ok!) among the crowds. Take it or leave me alone. Yehaaaa!

THE MANIAC SYSTEM OF DEADLINE!

Since I'm busy with my light novel project, I've handed my full responsibility of magazine's deadline to my fellow sub-editors. To my surprise, they have done such a great job in handling the whole process from contents to deadline management. Much better than when I was in deadline. My job now is just monitoring them & try to help if there's problem arises.

Today, something came up. My director told me GEMPAK's team (writers) is late of deadline. But when I check their schedule, all the articles already submitted to studio. When director asked why studio is late, the traffic controller said not enough man power. Sound pissed off, so further investigation was made. Suddenly the traffic controller came over to me & said I should have controlled the clients' content by marketing much earlier than usual because the department put the blame on my writers for being late of doing the write up.

As for me, this is always what happened in publishing... blaming on others to cover what suppose not to be covered. But the real solution is get the things done & later work things out again to minimize the same problem from being repeated! Why? U'll never know who is going to be late again & still others will get the blame because one magazine effected each & everyone who worked on it.

It does sound irritated but you got to deal with it even you plan for an escape. Because in this life... we've got to work together no matter what, though you like it or not. At the end of the day, I dig out the real problem & take it to solution. Though I'm gonna here sigh here & there (because some have to stay back), at least we still can solve the matter. Lesson learned again... I move on & so are others.

At the end of the day, you gonna laugh about it because the funny part is... everyone still working out the same process again & still there are mistakes arise. Who never make mistakes? Only you to yourself...? U think! ^_^

FRESHIE A BRAG

Seriously! I just can't take it when it comes to attitude. I may have certain run of attitudes, but these... really pissed me:

• Think he/she is such an important, reliable & valuable staff in the office when the fact is... what do u know abt the job that u do when u keep complaining abt salary, time management & running out of deadlines?! Can u please find a way to solve it without pointing at others?! D'oh!!! Working here more than 4 years, making magazines with no value outbreak but surprisingly selling, condemning your own product, what else?!!! U need to get out from your comfort area once a while to find a refreshment, test the market & test yourself! Stop being irritating because u get irritated. U already becoming rashes!

• Sending novels to me, adaptation idea, got paid RM3000, then complained "I don't like when u change my work.". Errr? Change your work?! Dude!~ I'm an editor, my job is to make sure the things that u wrote doesn't have enormous spelling mistakes, names & boring ending! I'm paid by my directors to make sure readers love the novel. Don't tell me u need your purity to be judge by the audience eventhough they throw u rotten eggs eh?! Ego instead! Thing is, I don't mind if u send me beautiful writing; less spelling error, every name (especially peculiar one!) matched in every chapter & I need to find if there is any negative issues in it. So... please... a novel or 2 doesn't make u big. So stop pretending u are A list novelist like A. Samad Said will ya! Point is I'm the editor while it's your name on the book cover. Readers will say it was your work, nobody care for the editor. Be reasonable! So... stop complaining for the factor that u not yet accomplish but yet u have the idea.

Enough said...

STOP VALUE YOURSELF BY EXPECTING OTHERS TO PRAISE YOU LIKE THE BEST. THING IS, BEING THE BEST IS NOT U TO JUDGE, IT IS THEM THE VIEWERS. ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOURSELF? NOT ENOUGH COZ U NEED OTHERS FOR U TO BE GOOD.

GOOD LOOKING ON 2nd THOUGHT

I have a friend, he is a part time model & he's good looking. A bit taller than me, fair skin & nice teeths. But... he's so over dress!

Unlike me, he doesn't mind spending big dime just to get branded clothes.

Unlike me, he always worry about his body weight.

Unlike me, he will take hours just to set up his short hair!!!

Thing is... he got what he wanted when we went out for clubbing. Yeah, attention! But the point is... he couldn't do it without me. Funny! Why do I have to be there when he was the one who need all the attention? Let me guess... because I gave the extra bonus of attention; 2 attractive males walk the aisle. Double strike! Was that it?!!! I am being used!

Anyway... he's my friend & I don't mind being used just as long my friend is happy. Thus, not like every of my friends are like that. Only a few, especially those who care about their 'diva' structure! Puhlezzzzz!

Clubbers out there, especially gays... focus on posers, here's my advice to you, please stop pretending that u have what it takes. Truth is, if u are attractive enough, u don't have to take the extra miles just to get people attention. U don't have to wear expensive DKNY thick jacket in a hot club like Frangipani or Maison & about the hairdo, if u have the look, though how messy it looks, u still gonna get the "Hi!" approach from any gender. I don't have problem with that once I strike a SMILE. Seriously!

Oh yeah! Don't waste your time spraying expensive perfume for clubbing because it's a waste of money. Dude! I only wear Gatsby spray cologne which cost me only RM5.90 & u know what, it works! They love it & some even dare to kiss my sweaty neck (Jerk!). Expsensive perfume only for expsensive occasion. Clubbing? Expensive?! Only if u are to naive... get a life!

Now... why am I complaining? Because I'm tired of all this silly posers who think they have what it takes. But the truth is they are just like any chimpanzees who try to be Hollywood stars. Dude! I don't do facial, I don't do hairs & I dance by the beat! What is your problem walking like a faggot, bugging other peoples' ass & give me an irritated glance? U are so damn attractive meh? Yeah, u posers always get dump! Off record... it is true.

The point is, I dance when it is time to dance. I talk when I have to talk. I walk when I need to walk. I don't stand still in the middle of the dance floor, I don't walk crossing the dance floor interfering people's dance (unless I have to & yes I send an apology!). I don't steal people dance space just because I need the spotlight or mute for attention. Being me I don't need to do the extra work to get people's attention! So please posers, u're dead! U're nothing & u're useless! It may works to groom that night but forever? Dream on will ya! By morning... u're the frog!

Am I drop dead gorgeous? Hmm... maybe if I do the extra miles like wearing fancy clothes, do my hair, spray expensive perfume (though exactly from Petaling Street!), wearing shiny sneakers & covered my eyes with Ray Ban! No... I don't do that! I just wear dirty jeans, simple t-shirt with a tag 'FUCK ME I'M FAMOUS' (that will do the work!) & a watch. Or sometimes I'll just wear pierce at my eyebrow & left ear. Any of it expensive? Maybe the watch, coz it's a gift from a friend. Perfume? Gatsby cost RM5.90. Hair? Brylcreem Hard gell, smash it & there it goes.

So... do I get the attention? Yes... celebrities look at me, the crowd smiles at me & even some keep staring at me. Much more... a beautiful girl will come screwing her ass on my thang! Then she said...

"U're a gay, right? U're too gorgeous. That's why I don't mind screwing on u."

Girl! Never believe before u experience it. Anyway... that is a compliment. Why? Even gay need to put the extra miles just to have my spotlight. Nyehehehe!

So the lesson is, make it simple please, guys or gays! Being a male, it's all about simplicity. Yes, we can wear DKNY, CK or even LV. But yeah! Not at the wrong place at the wrong time. Please! Don't shop with me at Pavilion wearing glitters t-shirt & walk like a drag queen.

Aha! I know u get excited by the Pavilion, but it's not a catwalk stage. Plus... the crowd will think u're an escape psychology patient?!

Oh yeah! guys! What's with all the body fit thangs?! Especially in broad daylight? It's hot day ok... wear loose t-shirt please. Or I'm gonna puke over your sweaty armpit traces on your tight t-shirt. Gross!

Damn! Retarded everywhere!!! Am I one of them? Yeah... to posers who think I'm not COOL to their priority? Ek! Read my history & u know where I came from. Not cheap u know!