A friend said I'm pretty loud recently & a boss said my words now are so sensitive (I think he meant loud also...). My love think I'm starting to practice 'sharp-shooting' words (I bet that means loud too!).
P/S: The only person who yet not saying anything about my changing behavior is the one I am holding the ring because... someone knows me better than anyone who said they know me better (get my point?!).
First of all, I was (past tense!) the type of son who obeyed my mother's advices. There were advices from her made me a little bit too nice until whatever I do is for the sake of 'helping them, not me!'. But I promised myself, as long as I live I will never try to hurt her feeling.
But yes I admit, there were moments I just had to disagree with her but not to the extend where she can hear words saying "Your son is a bastard!" just because I kicked their 60 years old grandpa's face for molesting a 6 years old boy (example only! The worse I can give & dream of doing it).
That was why when my mother was still walking on this world, I had to make sure she got at least 80% from what she wanted from me... her pride. Now it is time to take control of my own PRIDE... (sing Whitney) "On my own..."
Though She is now rest in peace with Allah, as long I am her son (she brought a part of me with her), I will continue making her proud (this time my way!) & praying for her journey there so she will be given a place in heaven. I will continue wishing for others to pray for her too & I know those people who love her, will also pray for her. We will all pray for our mother (yesss!).
Anyway, back to my topic. Yes I agree! I'm 'pretty' loud & it naturally happens since my mother passed away.
When I used to be someone:
1) Always worry about the matter of other people compared to mine
Now: You want my extra efforts? Pay for it dumb ass! Pay doesn't mean using cash only, but for work things... pay cash or check please & with the right amount so I can be happy doing your work. Because I know, you're making profit with it sooner or later. Oh! Now I think of profit? Who doesn't but I'm not greedy because when you offer me RM1 million but I can't smell RM1 million or even half of it yet, I rather take a risk for ignoring it. If you are interested in my work to be publish worldwide but yet not my copyright, I rather let my Malaysian have the copyright first & stay at my own 'home' before you can respect where I stand. TQ!
2) Staying polite non responsive
Now: If you're saying bad things to me, I am gonna politely make sure you live in world's hell till you die! No... I'm not going to be Jigsaw (like in the movie series 'SAW') because I respect others more than I respect you. So does that ring a bell to your conscious mind? (Justin... sing for them please!) "What comes around goes around..."
3) Stay calm even there's a man is poking my ass
Now: You gonna get a bloody slap from me (though I almost want to do it but end up smiling... take my words "Next time you gonna get a bloody punch!"), no matter what age or gender (unless you're my special someone). So don't make such joke on me, because I'm not your bitch!
4) Always thinking about making money
Now: Not really into it! There are so many ways to make money nowadays. Even sitting on the street showing your dick also can gain money (I can say a lot more than your monthly salary! Hell no to me... I rather work at 7-Eleven). So for me, do things that I LOVE DOING GENEROUSLY and will GENEROUSLY GENERATE MONEY.
5) Always forgive & forget
Now: I still forgive but I will not forget. You can ask my bestfriends even they already said sorry (forgiven already so bye!). After this, I'll just pity their fate even if they get crush by a lorry like how they pity my fate. Thing is from now on, I'll remember bad things people had done to me but the people... forgotten! Sounds very daring, right? Trust me, I don't hunger for fake friendship because I don't fake friendship. I know who are my bestfriends & my busy life with creative world will find me new friends. So you want to be daring with me? Wait till you see mine.
6) Play stupid in order not to offend, humiliate or show lots of respect for other people's stupidity
Now: Hell no you can make me feel like a fool, unless I fool myself. From now on be ready to be shouted angrily by me in front of public. If ladies have mood-swing during their menstrual period, I have extra mood swing during my 'men'-strual period! Yeap! I don't mind acting like a fool anymore & hell no I will let you go alive out of the crowd once you trigger my anger. If you're a lady, I am gonna pull your hair (if none, your big tits will do!). If you're a man, make sure your head (up & above) well protected before you get contusion.
7) I'll do it even I don't have to do it
Now: I'll do it if I WANT to do it. See the difference? Don't threaten me by saying "It's your responsibility!". Dude! I know my responsibility & I'll do it if you know how to respect what I'm gonna do. There are so many ways of respecting what I'm gonna do & one of it is not by telling what I know best.
8) Planning for future
Now: I feel stupid whenever I look forward for my future. I don't know why but whenever I start planning for my future, my today will not end up satisfying & I will start feel guilty for going to sleep. So, I'll do what's best for today depend on my energy, psychology & interest. Whatever comes today, I'll let Him see the course for me & I'll decide what's best for me... Insya-Allah.
9) I'll suffer for breaking your heart unintentionally
Now: (pushing the red button) Teeettttt! Playing nice & giving doesn't mean I'm deeply in love. Yeap... I'm always being emotionally misjudge by others in so many different ways when it comes to LOVE AFFAIR. When I'm in love with you but misjudge me for not making commitment, you're just making excuse to dump me. So... bye for now (you won't have the second chance once I meet someone else). If you're ruining yourself just because I broke your heart... (push the red button again) Teeettttt! Forgive me, I've already made the first introduction but you're making demands.
10) Try not to be so gay
Now: I'm so gay (traditional meaning you fool!)!!! Being fat, straight face & bad mood most of the time is not my thang! Allah give me so many choices of being happy or unhappy. So I choose... be happy even if it's unhappy. If u ask me if I'm so gay (modern meaning you jerk!), let me warn you something... don't make me turn you STRAIGHT TO BOTTOM (get what I mean?)! I don't promote my sexual PRACTICE (read carefully... I'm not saying SEXUAL INTEREST ok!) to others & I don't like to make you imagine that's how I have sex. But I can't stop you from making assumption(s). Take my words because (read loudly please!) I REALLY CAN TURN YOU STRAIGHT TO BOTTOM (this makes me a sinner? You too!), so stop wondering I fuck or be fuck by guy (Chopp! Don't euuu me please... coz your hypocrite expression makes me wanna puke!). Just because you haven't... (sing it Mariah!) "Touch my body..." doesn't mean you have the right to be (sing it again Mariah!) "Obsessed..." by my private life just because I don't announce my love interest. Get a life will ya!
CONCLUSION
These are not the attitudes to SUCCESS? No, the before attitudes are not the attitudes what you so call SUCCESS. That's why now I can see clearly what is SUCCESS does mean, when I'm the money & louder (not in rude ways ok!) among the crowds. Take it or leave me alone. Yehaaaa!
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